Love you now,

I reach out to you thirsty, searching for refreshment

It's hard to breathe
When I start to think
That maybe we're not meant to be
But you don't know
But I believe
How do you settle that difference?
And you analyze
And I close my eyes
And take a chance in the name of love
And I open my eyes
And see in the mirror
The woman who's not enough
Yet I hold on cuz it's hard to breathe
To think of a day without you and me
So I hold on a little more tightly
It's hard to say
If things change
If doubts will end
If love will win
If doubts will win
If hearts will break
And that's why decisions are never made
So I savor the day
A moment of fun
It very well may end
So I say I love you
Like it's my last
While I'm not sure
I'll ever win
If I can ever get in
But I'll say my prayers
And hope for change
So decisions won't need to be made.

Songs of Memory

This poem is actually about Dilemma by Nelly and Kelly

Have you ever heard a song that made you want to cry?
Like it was written just for you, so you try
To fight back tears but the effort is in vain
You think back, in happiness or in pain
You remember that special time, with that special person
Every one has their own little version
And you sit and listen to those special lyrics
It's that special song you picked
You reach out and hug the song and memory
You think about the love the song is bearing
You think about the good times, the bad and some of the ugly
But through all of this, the memories are loving
As the song finishes, you wipe forgotten tears
And turn to await the future years

(This is prose, not a poem)

20 years of life

I don't like you.

Goodbye

Goodbye
It's the hardest thing to say
To turn back and try
To pick the pieces of my heart that I broke

I wanna leave it to her
But I don't think she can do it
She cannot love you better
And that's the truth to it

She can't love you with every fiber
Of her solitary being
But I cannot be her
Because I did it to myself

So goodbye is all my fault
And it kills me tho I try
To move on from this halt
But I don't want to take another step

Without knowing you are with me
Because what is life
Without who you've come to be
It's killing my heart

My soul and mind
To turn around
And leave what's behind
So I crumple to the ground

Where I am happy to stay
No forward or backwards motion
Its better that way
Until I emerge

A stronger better woman
Like a swan from an ugly duckling
Like a cloth from yarn woven
But until then

I'll lie here gathering strength
I don't know for how long
Healing has no specific length
My heart breaks and tears momental

But my love being eternal
Even though you may forget me
I continually grateful
Of who you were to me

So today I cannot say goodbye
I cannot turn back
So on this ground I lie
Hoping for redemption

But hopes are always empty dreams
They sometimes appear realistic
But reality is not what it really seems
So instead I'll say I'll lay here

But one day I will weep goodbye
And on that day I will rise 
And be a better woman

I tried.

I tried to make him all that I ever wanted

and all I ever needed. I pretended every word

he said was perfect. That maybe you needed

saving from this cruel world and maybe my

love was like kryptonite, an antidote for all

that is evil or bad or not-so-good. I tried to

remember those eyes, pretend that they could

see into my soul and see that I was ready 

for love and I was ready for love personified

to be him. I imagined he felt the same but

in the back of my mind I knew it was just

my imagination, running away with me.

I saw.

I saw other people doing the same as me, and

I called them dumb. Shook my head as they

traded their common sense and heart's defense

for a moment's illusion of love. I'd scoff and think

I know what I'm doing as I tried my best tricks

and games to lure his heart. 

I thought.

I thought I could make him a man worth loving.

I tried to make his faults into accomplishments,

his weaknesses I saw as strengths. His flaws I saw 

as beauty marks. I tried, I saw, I thought but in

the end

I found

Minus all the lies

the illusions

the hopes

and dreams

My man worth loving was nothing to be loved.

I’ll miss your gorgeous smile

So genuine and true

I’ll miss your encouraging words

Telling me to stick it through

I don’t think I’ll meet another girl

Who has such a knack

With getting her hands dirty

While keeping that pretty hair in tact

I’ll always see those smiling eyes

In my closest memories

I’ll always remember your legacy

And chase after my dreams

Yesterday I came to realize

As I thought of how you changed my life

I might never be the same

While in my heart this angel lies