Most days, I am the biggest feminist.

Most days, I am secure in myself and I know I don't need anyone to make me happy.

Most days, I hold my head and don't think twice about those who don't come close to my standards.

Most days, I tell girls, "You don't have to be with him. Be by yourself".

Most days, I see desire as a personal weakness.

Most days....

But at night....

At night I pull the sheets a little closer, visions of a lifetime of loneliness chilling my bones.

At night I dream of him in my sleep, only to wake up with tears in my eyes when he isn't there.

At night I'm scared of lonely and I hug my pillow tight, wishing it was someone- anyone- to hold me.

At night I wonder if I want too much or if I deserve.....

At night I make me sick, when I think of how my weakness takes over my body like a ravaging hunger.


And as the sun comes up, I push the weak thoughts away. I wipe my tears and promise to be a 
stronger woman. And as I walk with my head high, I do believe that I can be....

Until darkness surrounds me once more. And I yearn for that which I openly refute.