College Poet Series: December 2008

Aftermath

Posted by AdeDoyin | | 10:25 AM

My heart beats strong remnants of passion

not so long ago that surrounded me and

filled me. Now I'm alone and all I can hear

is the determined cadence of my vital

organ. I wish someone could hold me while

I sleep but I know when they get around

I'll find discomfort in a body that is hotter

or colder or softer or harder than mine.

I toss and turn. My thoughts beating into

my conscious state. I wonder if I'm scared of

being alone or too weak to not want someone

to hold me from time to time. I'm scared of both

notions, cuz I paint the picture of confidence

to show to everyone around me. But in these

bright hues, is there a hint of hypocrisy? Am

I just another girl in love with love or is it okay

to want to fall asleep to the lullaby of another's

heartbeat? The idea of weakness chills my bones

and I pull the covers tight around me.

My warmth, my strength comes from me and only me.

Rain

Posted by AdeDoyin | | 9:30 PM

As the rain pounds on the windows I imagine

the rain falling on the fresh soil that has become

your body's new home. Your death is harder

to swallow when it rains. I can't believe that

I will ever be completely happy when I look at

the gray skies. I can't imagine my heart will

ever beat the same as the drops hit the glass,

some scattering, some joining with other drops

as they dance across the pane. It's raining on

the outside but we as people usually fail

to see when it begins to rain on the inside. Everyone

says everything happens for a reason but

I can't see the picture clearly.

I can't stand the rain.

To my Pearl

Posted by AdeDoyin | | 6:39 PM

I have so many things to say

To you, for you, about you

But I can't bear to think them

Cuz I just miss you

A fate stronger than genetics made

us sisters, an impenetrable bond

woven by a love for something

bigger than the both of us. Yet,

I can't help but wonder why fate

does the things it does. As these

tears run from my eyes, they are

minor indications of the heartbreak

I feel inside. And somehow in my

head, I hear you telling me not to cry. But

maybe my head doesn't reach my

heart cuz it continues to ache.

And all I can think is, it's not fair

we were so ready for her to be

home. But now you are home,

and I know it has to be a better

place-- because you are there to

reflect the sun as it bounces off

the pearly gates. I don't get why

you're not here anymore. I don't

see the bigger purpose. All I see

is the fallen tree, flawed nature as

the forest surrounds me. I can't

get the big picture, I just don't

see. I can't see. I won't see.

Why you had to be taken

for me. From us.

Most days, I am the biggest feminist.

Most days, I am secure in myself and I know I don't need anyone to make me happy.

Most days, I hold my head and don't think twice about those who don't come close to my standards.

Most days, I tell girls, "You don't have to be with him. Be by yourself".

Most days, I see desire as a personal weakness.

Most days....

But at night....

At night I pull the sheets a little closer, visions of a lifetime of loneliness chilling my bones.

At night I dream of him in my sleep, only to wake up with tears in my eyes when he isn't there.

At night I'm scared of lonely and I hug my pillow tight, wishing it was someone- anyone- to hold me.

At night I wonder if I want too much or if I deserve.....

At night I make me sick, when I think of how my weakness takes over my body like a ravaging hunger.

And as the sun comes up, I push the weak thoughts away. I wipe my tears and promise to be a
stronger woman. And as I walk with my head high, I do believe that I can be....

Until darkness surrounds me once more. And I yearn for that which I openly refute.

Untitled

Posted by AdeDoyin | | 12:12 AM

Don't judge me when you look at my skin Because I'm the color of chocolate I'm tossed into the reject pile Because I'm not the color of the sun I can't color your life with my happiness Don't judge me when you see my hair Just because it doesn't reach my butt I'm no longer good enough Just because I can't pull it into a ponytail I can't pull your heart into my warm embrace How bout you don't judge me and I don't judge you And we'll see what it comes to Eliminate the words dark, light and let's see What you could become to me

Ultimate Attraction --Another Oldie

Posted by AdeDoyin | | 12:09 AM

My desire You create a fire That pumps thru my veins And resides by my legs In liquid desire Your body calls for mine And I can only answer So aware of my desires I want your fire Inside my veins Release your intentions In the heat of our passion And make me spasm under you My ultimate attraction My body belongs to you

A Christmas Wish--An Old Poem

Posted by AdeDoyin | | 9:43 PM

A Christmas Wish

Dear Santa I'm here again
With one request that burns within
My soul, my heart seeks to win
The love of just one man

He's on my mind from when I awake
And when he's gone my heart just aches
I gotta have him for goodness sake
The love of this one man

So Santa if you cannot see
How much this man does mean to me
I only want him under my tree
The love of my one man

He makes me smile and makes me laugh
He'll make me laugh then make me mad
An emotion with him is an emotion to be had
The love of that one man

So Santa this is my clandestine hope
This man's heart I want to know
His hand the only I want to hold
The love of this one man

Dear ________

Posted by AdeDoyin | | 9:14 PM

A strong black man, a lion ready

to defend his tribe and love his

lioness. A strength that thrills

my whole being. Stimulates my

mind, chills my body, warms my

soul. My strong black man I don't

know if you understand what

makes me want you so passionately.

It's the careful determination-

at work and at play. You strive

to do things better than right.

Wouldn't you love me better than

sufficient?

It's your air of assertive dominance.

You treat me like a princess but

still remain my king. You make me

want to follow as long as it's you that leads.

Behind you I want nothing more than to

be your strong black woman who praises

your accomplishments, soothes your fears

and insecurities, encourages you in your

plight to be a better man.

Your eyes.

Something lies within those sincere

ebony orbs. I can't help but be drawn

to the search for the secret they harbor.

My strong black man your energy is so

intense. You radiate beauty, iron will,

unbroken resolve to succeed despite

all obstacles. You live life with passion

and uphold a tradition of excellence.

Who can blame me for wanting to

stand strong beside you as your lioness,

your confidante, your partner in crime,

your lover?